I just wanna run away


I don't know whats been going on with me. I'm feeling so vexed that it gets so hard to breathe. Family, school, life. I hate coming home, seeing people quarrelling, argueing & fighting. I hate coming home, seeing someone giving a black face & feeling stress too. I hate coming home to emptiness. I don't deserve to be my parent's daughter. I've disappointted them too much that I don't even dare to face them anymore. I quitted school many times, I told my dad this time I wanna study, then get good grades, then go overseas to complete my studies. In the end what the fuck did I do? I skipped school for 3 weeks already. I cry every night in my sleep. Telling you guys in my heart I'm really sorry. See I don't even fucking dare face my parents & tell them straight in the face. I don't wanna upset them. Yeah you guys will tell me if I don't wanna upset them then go to school, be a good girl & study my ass off. BUT I CAN'T FUCKING DO THAT. Cos it'll be lying to them & myself. I wish I was those smart-pretty-rich ass type of girl. But I ain't & life isn't that easy. Sigh, I'm afraid of going back to depression again. I feel like I'm going back in it. I don't want it. I feel tortured, pain & so much sadness that I don't even know why I was sad for.

Those who asked if I was alright, I told you I was. In fact, I'm not. I'm just putting up a strong front cos I didn't want you all to worry. You guys thought it was my relationship that gets me into this state. I assure you, it's not. My relationship with Baby is fine. It's just me. & I can never be a good girlfriend to him too. I don't wish to hurt him, I really don't want it to happen.

Sigh, I feel like crying my heart out again. Birthday's coming. Huh, wow.